Life

To draw parallels between wedding preparations and having my teeth pulled wouldn’t be too far from the truth, at least for the last couple of months.

I’ve never really been much of a people person. Admittedly, I’m more socially awkward than social butterfly. And ironically, while a marriage involves myself and one other person, a wedding involves everyone else, and their expectations of us. Consequently I find my forbearance being tried every day at a time when my social interactions are at a life-time high.

It’s not an exaggeration at this point to say I’m literally aching for time in solitude.

The relationship between my mother and me has always been volatile, but tensions have escalated to the point of acrimonious cos every other conversation we have turns into an argument. I want to say she’s unreasonable, but I don’t deny I have a part to play in every instance of disagreement. I could be more patient, less spiteful, more empathetic, less irritable, but it always takes two hands to clap.

The relationship between the fiance and myself is less contentious but as the date draws closer, I’m increasingly less convinced that peace will ensue till the big day.

People say that this is normal – that tensions will run high, tempers will flare in the lead up to the big day. But that just seems counter-intuitive to me. If I’ve decided to spend the rest of my life with someone, why are we endaevouring to organise an event that places undue strain on the relationship? Is this supposed to be some final test of compatbility and forbearance before we take the leap?

I cannot fathom how the upheavals that come from planning a wedding benefits the eventual marriage, and yet it must be done, it is one more milestone to get to, to get through. Right now, I’m just hanging tight, hoping that not too much goes awry, praying that relationships will not be irrevokably damaged as result of planning this one event.

But on a brighter note, I’m now officially back at home with a brand new suitably-equipped kitchen and dry pantry that is nothing if not nuturing to my (not so) newfound love for baking. So I promise to write about baking soon. Really soon.

Last week, E and I had dinner with his parents and sister at this Italian place. One of the specials was a burrata rocket salad with these little red tomatoes which go by names like cherry tomatoes, or worse, honey tomatoes which is very often a misnomer cos they’re rarely sweet enough to be associated […]

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A girlfriend told me earlier this week that her kids remarked that “Auntie L must be rich, cos she drives a bright red Mercedes.”  That was somewhat flattering… I think.  I don’t think they meant anything by it though personally, I think wealth, or the perception thereof, is relative.  To someone who would and could splash […]

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I’ve spent the last 48 hours ruminating.  It’s a strange time to be thinking because I’m in transition – at the tail end of my vacation, on the plane on the way home, catching up on my sleep, and getting back to the grind after 3 days of temporary work-amnesia.  But with me, things are […]

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I’ve been struggling to stay on top of my life recently. A lot of times, I feel like a spectator in the things are happening around and to me. Cos there are simply too many variables in any one situation, and there’s no way I can anticipate all of it. So I sit back most […]

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I polished off 200g of self-mixed nuts (pistachio, almonds, pine nuts) in 2 days.  In my defence, they were 3 [packets] for $10 at the basement of my office building, but the question that’s been running through my head all day is, how many nuts does it take to make a [fat] nut? I hate pistachio […]

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My separation anxiety is getting the better of me these few nights. I wake up several times a night, panicked that I’ve lost something from my life that can never be replaced. Logically, I know that cannot so if one has faith that what’s meant to be will be – que sera sera, as it […]

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I have missed writing. I spent much of the year, paying little to no heed to personal values, flying by the seat of my pants and being led around by my desires. Now, I have a bruised and battered spirit to show for the year of debauchery.  I regret nothing though. If anything, it’s taught […]

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